Sunday, June 22, 1913

Sun. June 22, 1913

Well diary this has been a beautiful day so clear and bright  I swam and walked and canoed and ate and picked water lilies and took pictures but its about this evening that I want to talk. Oh I feel so diary we had such a long serious talk tonight and he loves me with all his heart and I know I don’t love him. The wonderful beauty of the scene made it all the sadder somehow. Me in the bottom of the canoe and Ralph in the end paddling   first the afterglow then evening and night shadowing the forest and lake  then the evening star and the myriads of others coming out and later about 10:30 the big golden moon coming up over the trees and casting a path of gold across the water  nothing could have been more lovely and sometimes we wouldn’t speak for an hour or so. I told him that we just musn’t go on togather[sic] and I told him of that other one that I haven’t seen for a long while the one that I don’t know that I care for and whom I may never see again. Maby[sic] its all a fancy and I’m afraid this other one will never care for me. Oh dear I wish things weren’t in such a tangle. Ralph wanted me to give him a chance anyway  he says he wants to prove to me that I don’t care for the other fellow but I don’t believe he could until I have seen the other one and I may never see him. I told Ralph I don’t imagine I will ever marry and I don’t think I will. It seems as if I ought to love Ralph for he is so perfectly grand and good to me and would do anything to make me happy. Oh when he talked to me he trembled so that he shook the canoe and I felt so badly to hurt him so. I can’t understand how he can care for me when I’ve tried so hard not to let him. I thought I was so safe going with Ralph because I didn’t think he would ever care for me and he is so good to me. He seems to anticipate my every mood    I can’t comprehend it and he’s so big and powerful  I just like to be with him  we came in to shore about 11:45 [Ralph; love; marriage; sunset]

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